Army Wife Wii

With the advancement of gaming technology, I've been thinking an Army Wife Wii training aid is justified.

It would of course be interactive. Instead of the Wii fit board, you will be using a balancing beam. The beginning of the game will be show a young, beautiful, independent female day dreaming about being married to the greatest man on earth. An American soldier.

You will see the dream wedding, with all soldiers in uniform, they exit the church by walking under drawn sabers and ending with a smile. This is where the "game" starts.

Your first mission: DEERs. If you can navigate through the endless paperwork, lines , a military ID that makes you long for the DMV photograph, and utter hell it takes to acheive the post wedding Army wife beginnings, you get to move on to HOUSING!

You'll get to attend the housing briefings, and be placed on the housing list which is a luck of the draw situation. You will decide on post/off post. Your wait time 30 days to 1 year. If you are able to accomplish the task of obtaining housing without a nervous breakdown you will move to the next phase of trying to get your household goods to your proper location within a 3 month window. Sleeping on the floor, toting back and forth to the laundry mat, and using one skillet to cook and eat from will obtain extra points. If you can survive living in a neighborhood of other disgruntled Army wives for a full 3 year tour, and not being arrested you get.....well nothing really but you should atleast be proud?

Next Mission:
Deployment orders.
This is probably one of the hardest missions. You will be expected to have perfectly timed care packages, that don't include anything off the "prohibited" list. Your biggest problem here is fighting the urge to send something, just to see if you can get away with it. You just know he would love to have booze, pork products and porn, but you just can't do it! You will be penalized for this and lose all your points :(

Prior to deployment, you must navigate through a seemingly endless supply of briefings and troop functions. You will get to see/meet all the men and women who will be responsible for your soldiers safe return. If you can keep from having a nervous breakdown by meeting number 3, you will advance to the next level.

FRG Meetings: You will either be made a leader or a member. If you are a leader you must figure out a way to enhance participation, explain to women you are not their slave and try not to sneak liquid eX-lax into the potluck dinner you planned that the only people who attend are the ones you wish would stay home.
If you are placed as a member, you must do so much volunteer work, try not to take your frustrations off on your leader, and actually attend the meetings. You will be faced with many sub-tasks, such as plunging your own toilet, arranging for childcare, and trying not to give the finger to people who you truly believe to be a thorn in the ass of Army life.

Next Mission:
Rear D.
These are the group of men/women who are tasked to stay behind to ensure the security of the homefront. In the beginning you may not think much about the need for these soldiers, but this mission is more difficult than you think it will be.
When there is any issue that needs to be addressed, a soldier is hurt, or an emergency happens, these will be the group of soldiers you will turn to. The objective of this mission: try not to strangle a Specialist, who makes a stupid comment regarding how much they hate Army wives, and do not attack them with an open stapler when your husband is injured and they "forget" to notify you, because they state..."we have more soldiers than just yours to worry about".

Next Mission:
Redeployment
This is where you know "approximately" when your spouse will be returning, but nobody can answer your questions without using the statement "we do not have this information at this time, but when we know we will attempt to contact your FRG leader who will contact you". Then you must wait for your FRG leader who will inevitably not recieve this information, therefore not get it passed down. So you will have to rush to clean your house, do last minute girly grooming (most likely done by a blind sadist), and try not to appear bipolar in the eyes of onlookers.
You will then be told, its going to be another week to a month, oops.

Next Mission:
Reintegration/return to married life
You have a 6 month window here to make it work. You will fight, cuss, scream, leave, come back, and do it all over again. You will catch yourself day dreaming about the next war and how long before you can send him!

BONUS ROUND: You find out you are Pregnant! Along with 5-6000 other wives. If you can actually get OB/Gyn care, within your first trimester, you WIN bonus points. If you are sent off post, you must be able to discuss your options with Tricare who will inevitably lose your referral, your information and in some instances have you down for the wrong name and insist you are really somebody you have never heard of and just not being honest with your true identity. They will then tell you, approval was not granted and you will have to wait for an on post OB/Midwife who may or may not have an open appointment in the next 3 months. Your objective here, is to finagle an appointment without causing bodily harm to the receptionist, a Tricare clerk or Midwife.

If you succeed in all of these missions, (without throwing your balancing beam through the television) you get to start all over! The game will take approximately 20 years to complete. You will know you have won, when you are no longer able to see that young idealistic girl in the mirror, and instead see a bitter, frumpy, pajama wearing in public female who probably has a huge stain on her old t-shirt she got off of Freecycle.

Who says technology isn't good?

Will Work For Food

Maybe we should all take the optimistic approach to the budget crisis.

Luckily for us the suspension of pay for members of the US Military, has not affected the dispersment of welfare funds. So the good news...we can ALL draw welfare. The soldiers still have to fight, but they get to do it for a welfare check instead of their regular pay. Even better news, food stamps should now be available! WIC which is something most of us with small children don't qualify for, we will now all get it! Healthcare...don't worry. They're keeping Planned Parenthood intact, so we can get our birth control and abortions FOR FREE!!! I don't know about the rest of you but I see the glass as half-full. (sarcasm).

Now that we know the common soldier can qualify for welfare funds, shouldn't the opposite go for the common welfare recipient? They can all join the ARMY. That way we can increase our military forces and we can all be equals on welfare.

So lets just evaluate the number of "blessings" a military pay suspension will cause.
Housing doesn't get paid...(So we're homeless) We get to enjoy the outdoors.
Doctors don't get paid....(So we're sick)No more radiation from those pesky x-ray machines.
Bills don't get paid...so we lose electric, cars, insurance (money is the root of all evil anyway)
and don't forget gas prices...nobody can buy gas now, so who cares about the cost?
Groceries can't get bought...so our children starve (part of a live healthy lifestyle)

What about military schools? Do our children no longer have access to proper education? (homeschooling is under-rated)

What about men and women overseas? They get to show their patriotism by fighting for free!

What about the communities surrounding the military installations? They will get lots of time off, now that there are no soldiers to occupy their time!

Gee, I wish I had known earlier in my life that working for free was the better option! Thank you President Obama. You have opened my eyes. I hope you still get to go on your government paid family vacation next week. I feel bad for you if you miss that. We will be spending quality family time, sleeping in our car, driving around( oops sorry can't afford gas, guess we'll be walking) looking for wildlife to poach. Too bad you'll miss it!

It's Time For A Revolution

With the pending threat of a government shutdown, I have arrived at only one conclusion. The only thing that can save this country, is a revolution. I fully believe that we as Americans need to take our country back.

Now I am not condoning violence of any sort, I will just say that Thomas Jefferson had it right when he said these 2 quotes in particular:
"The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants" and
"I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them."

Thomas Jefferson was a visionary to say the least. He warned us of the issues that lie ahead. Those who forget history are doomed to repeat it. We didn't want to be under thumb of British control. So great men, against all odds stood and took our country. What did we do in return? Handed it back. We would be lucky if it were back to British control at this point. No we handed it to the most inexperienced, untrustworthy person we could...An American Politician.

When our government shuts down, Congress and our President....Still get paid.
Thats odd, since they can't balance the budget and they are taking money from the AMERICAN SOLDIER, who is fighting their 3 wars. Most politicians have never seen an m-16, so I hope they can figure out how to load it when the US Military has had enough. I would love to see Obama, Pelosi and especially Reid (its an open military now, good luck!)fighting a war in Afghanistan...for NO PAY.

If I were Osama Bin Ladin, I would be giddy with excitement right now. This is how they recruit their own community. So...how excited do you think he is with the prospect of being able to recruit TRAINED AMERICAN SOLDIERS? These guys/girls have families to support, they are being thrown under the bus by their own fat cat government, and they are in and have been in a warzone nearly continuously for a decade. Do you think they are going to be "ok" with this? It won't be long before the enemy is within. I hate the idea that any soldier would feel forced to turn down this road. But its inevitable. The same way poverty levels coincide with violence! Soldiers should NEVER have to work for free. Especially when our public servants draw a paycheck.

I would like to be the first to welcome China as our new "owners". If we are headed to communism anyway, atleast they can bring good food to the table. We can't fill our plate with "hope".