Army Wife Wii

With the advancement of gaming technology, I've been thinking an Army Wife Wii training aid is justified.

It would of course be interactive. Instead of the Wii fit board, you will be using a balancing beam. The beginning of the game will be show a young, beautiful, independent female day dreaming about being married to the greatest man on earth. An American soldier.

You will see the dream wedding, with all soldiers in uniform, they exit the church by walking under drawn sabers and ending with a smile. This is where the "game" starts.

Your first mission: DEERs. If you can navigate through the endless paperwork, lines , a military ID that makes you long for the DMV photograph, and utter hell it takes to acheive the post wedding Army wife beginnings, you get to move on to HOUSING!

You'll get to attend the housing briefings, and be placed on the housing list which is a luck of the draw situation. You will decide on post/off post. Your wait time 30 days to 1 year. If you are able to accomplish the task of obtaining housing without a nervous breakdown you will move to the next phase of trying to get your household goods to your proper location within a 3 month window. Sleeping on the floor, toting back and forth to the laundry mat, and using one skillet to cook and eat from will obtain extra points. If you can survive living in a neighborhood of other disgruntled Army wives for a full 3 year tour, and not being arrested you get.....well nothing really but you should atleast be proud?

Next Mission:
Deployment orders.
This is probably one of the hardest missions. You will be expected to have perfectly timed care packages, that don't include anything off the "prohibited" list. Your biggest problem here is fighting the urge to send something, just to see if you can get away with it. You just know he would love to have booze, pork products and porn, but you just can't do it! You will be penalized for this and lose all your points :(

Prior to deployment, you must navigate through a seemingly endless supply of briefings and troop functions. You will get to see/meet all the men and women who will be responsible for your soldiers safe return. If you can keep from having a nervous breakdown by meeting number 3, you will advance to the next level.

FRG Meetings: You will either be made a leader or a member. If you are a leader you must figure out a way to enhance participation, explain to women you are not their slave and try not to sneak liquid eX-lax into the potluck dinner you planned that the only people who attend are the ones you wish would stay home.
If you are placed as a member, you must do so much volunteer work, try not to take your frustrations off on your leader, and actually attend the meetings. You will be faced with many sub-tasks, such as plunging your own toilet, arranging for childcare, and trying not to give the finger to people who you truly believe to be a thorn in the ass of Army life.

Next Mission:
Rear D.
These are the group of men/women who are tasked to stay behind to ensure the security of the homefront. In the beginning you may not think much about the need for these soldiers, but this mission is more difficult than you think it will be.
When there is any issue that needs to be addressed, a soldier is hurt, or an emergency happens, these will be the group of soldiers you will turn to. The objective of this mission: try not to strangle a Specialist, who makes a stupid comment regarding how much they hate Army wives, and do not attack them with an open stapler when your husband is injured and they "forget" to notify you, because they state..."we have more soldiers than just yours to worry about".

Next Mission:
Redeployment
This is where you know "approximately" when your spouse will be returning, but nobody can answer your questions without using the statement "we do not have this information at this time, but when we know we will attempt to contact your FRG leader who will contact you". Then you must wait for your FRG leader who will inevitably not recieve this information, therefore not get it passed down. So you will have to rush to clean your house, do last minute girly grooming (most likely done by a blind sadist), and try not to appear bipolar in the eyes of onlookers.
You will then be told, its going to be another week to a month, oops.

Next Mission:
Reintegration/return to married life
You have a 6 month window here to make it work. You will fight, cuss, scream, leave, come back, and do it all over again. You will catch yourself day dreaming about the next war and how long before you can send him!

BONUS ROUND: You find out you are Pregnant! Along with 5-6000 other wives. If you can actually get OB/Gyn care, within your first trimester, you WIN bonus points. If you are sent off post, you must be able to discuss your options with Tricare who will inevitably lose your referral, your information and in some instances have you down for the wrong name and insist you are really somebody you have never heard of and just not being honest with your true identity. They will then tell you, approval was not granted and you will have to wait for an on post OB/Midwife who may or may not have an open appointment in the next 3 months. Your objective here, is to finagle an appointment without causing bodily harm to the receptionist, a Tricare clerk or Midwife.

If you succeed in all of these missions, (without throwing your balancing beam through the television) you get to start all over! The game will take approximately 20 years to complete. You will know you have won, when you are no longer able to see that young idealistic girl in the mirror, and instead see a bitter, frumpy, pajama wearing in public female who probably has a huge stain on her old t-shirt she got off of Freecycle.

Who says technology isn't good?