Mommy, I Miss Daddy

Luckily for me, my children are still young enough to not feel the "full effects" of a deployment.
My oldest of course, takes it the hardest when he leaves.
My middle child (and only boy)doesn't really have any issues for a couple of months typically.
But then, there's the baby. My 3 year old, who has convinced herself she is without a doubt a princess, and now requests to be called "your Majesty".

Now "the princess" lives in her own little world. I'm convinced that she will be that child in little league playing with her toes or chasing butterflies in right field. When Daddy first deployed it took her nearly 4 months to realize he was gone. I'm not saying she didn't love her Daddy in the least. Just that she is oblivious to her surroundings.
She came to me one afternoon, and said "mommy, is daddy still at work?" like he was working late. So after, my attempt to set her straight, she made up her own story to tell everyone she met. "Daddy's shooting Leprechauns in Assganstan".
We just left that story alone. So when Daddy came home on R&R, you can imagine the questions she had.

So 2 weeks go by, and "the princess", has Daddy's nearly full undivided attention. Which really doesn't help curb her delusions of grandeur. It didn't take her long to figure out who was the soft touch within the parental unit.

When Daddy left, I knew we'd have small issues of course, thats to be expected. But after nearly 3 weeks, I still hear "mommy I miss daddy" several times a day. We keep distracted as much as possible, but we still have down time. She's become quite adept at playing the "my daddys gone" card.
Why did you write on the floor? "I miss Daddy"
Did you hit your brother? "I miss Daddy"
Its time for bed. "I miss Daddy"

It never fails, bedtime is when Daddy is missed most. Can I stay up and watch TV? No. Call daddy! Your daddy won't let you stay up either. Uh huh, daddy let me do what I want! Well sorry Cupcake, Daddy's not here, momma rules. Uhhhh, I'm going to bed. But I miss daddy!

Your Exits Are Here, Here, Here and Here

We went of vacation a few weeks ago, and I was thinking how much easier it would have been to fly instead of that 15 hour drive with 3 small children. But then a sense of panic started to set in.

The last time I flew, was 3 days before the 9/11 attack. I haven't been on a plane since. Not "necessarily" due to fright, but I haven't really had anywhere to go.

Now the logical part of me, says "screw it". I know that logically speaking, I cannot and will not be bullied or frightened from the most normal of tasks. I know the odds of a terrorist hijacking the exact plane I am on are probably less than being attacked by a rabid octopus, but none the less.

Being an Army wife I've always been told, don't take your military ID on the plane with you. The terrorist will search you and kill you first!!! Don't let them know you are military, its leverage! Hmm...well there are a few problems with this train of thought. Although, it does make a bit of sense, (if you think the terrorist would let you live anyway), but if they are gonna fly you into a building, I'm willing to bet they don't have good intentions. Not to mention, what kind of leverage do people think Army wives possess? You can't kill me, who will bring the macaroni salad to the next FRG function?

So the next time I fly, in the event of a hijacking, I only hope they let the flight attendants do their inflight announcements first. Welcome to X airlines, your exits are here, here, here and here. In the event of a building landing, please put you head between your knees and kiss your ass goodbye. If a turbulent hijacking is to occur, you will notice the deployment of oxygen masks above you head. Please place you oxygen mask on yourself before you attempt to help those being terrorized around you. Please turn off all cellphones, for if we are hijacked we don't want to hear your ringtone of Baby Got Back to be the last thing we hear.

My personal plan in the event of a hijacking, is to stand up, blame the American Infidel Pigs and ask for someone to point me towards Mecca. But I'm just not sure they'd buy it. With my military ID, the cross on my neck, and my panicked yell for Jesus. But I guess thats another issue entirely.

I know that one day, I will have no choice but to face my fears and board the plane. But until that day arises, I think I will wait for the new Sony Teleporter. Granted I may reach my destination with someone elses arms, but I won't have to suffer the inflight meal.

(I wonder how many people just googled Sony Teleporter?lol)

Spirit Fingers!

So one of the obvious perks of Army life, is community support. (Not all communities, but this one atleast).

Today I had the opportunity to take my children to see Toy Story on Ice. Simply because someone had the generosity to donate tickets to the families of deployed soliders. I will say, people who do things like this still amaze me.
My children not only got to see their favorite Disney Characters, but the show was kicked off with the National Anthem but the one and only Trace Adkins!!!

My personal favorite part of the show, were of course the Toy Soldiers. As I was watching them low crawl and fall into formation, I got to thinking.....

Thats what the US Army is truly missing. PIZAZZ! I've decided that if our men were to break into an utterly fabulous line dance when under attack, the enemy would probably turn around and go home. I really think, basic training should now include:
The sprinkler, the running man, and the cabbage patch.

I think when led into combat, they should occasionally break into a step, ball, change. When they come across a possible IED, maybe a little interperative dance is required. The next time, an enemy combatant is subdued maybe a little Tango is called for? When victory has been achieved, they shall all do The Wave.

So with approximately only 4 months left till re-deployment, I think these guys need to get to work. When they come into the Welcome Home Ceremony, I expect Spirit Fingers. (all of them, not just the one!)

The commander should lead off with a double axle, a flip and a loop. I don't know what any of these words mean, but I want to see them. I then want to see troop by troop, break off into the electric slide.

When the soldiers are finally released however, I'm torn. I can't decide if we need a little Kool & the Gang Celebrate Good Times, or YMCA. One seems more fitting, yet if the other were caught by the news and played world wide, I think terrorist would be less likely to screw with us.

Now I must wrap up tonights blog, I have Army Issue ACU's to bedazzle.

I'm Not Nosy, I'm A Concerned Citizen Part 2!

As we are nearing the end of this deployment, I find myself a little more "concerned" than normal. Granted I have spent the better part of 8 months alone, with little or no adult contact on a daily basis.

On a normal day, when life gets to monotonous, you can find me in the front yard, people watching. I prefer to call myself the head of the Neighborhood Watch Program.

Today is a good example. My youngest and I were outside socializing with our neighbor, who I wil refer to as the VP of the NWP.
My VP and I were sitting there catching up on the neighborhood intelligence briefings (gossip), when we notice 2 teenage boys cutting through the housing area.
At first, we didn't think much of it, but then they started to look back, look around the houses and glace seemingly in the cars. We then realize they are supposed to be in school. So we did what any rational busybody would do, we called the police!
Granted I didn't call 911, and request a swat team or anything crazy. But I did call the non-emergency dispatch number. About 20 min. later, we just knew the boys had gone on a crime spree and were to never be seen again. But...they're back??

So my V.P. stops them and ask them a few basic questions. Where do you live? What are you doing? Most importantly, why aren't you in school? Oh yeah...we got you truants now! They are explaining "poorly" why they weren't in school when the police pull up. They question the boys, and it is revealed they were just skipping school and apparently aren't very good at it.

After it was all nearly over with, another neighbor has joined in the chaos. Her first thought, was that I had gone off the deep end and the police were called. I would find that insulting, but lets be honest, I've been waiting for the police to come for me for a long time now.

I thought about the occurence later, and think, maybe the boys were looking back because there were 2 crazy old women starting at them?

So you may call us nosy. But I call us potential hero's! We could have just saved the world from teenagers who could have done, maybe a 1/4 of the stupid crap I did at that age. So to that I say YOU'RE WELCOME!

They will think twice before skipping school in this neighborhood!

I Wanna Be President!

So here's today's thought....hold on its a doozy!
I've mentioned before how when someone hears you are an Army wife, they start asking your opinion on political matters. There is of course, the economy, Don't Ask/Don't tell, an my favorite Border Patrol!

Now, I'll say one more time, being an Army wife does not give us the inside track to the White House. So our opinions really aren't any more important than any other US Citizen. If they were, you would have seen an Army wife in the White House by now!

I've previously stated my opinion on Don't Ask/Don't Tell, and it remains the same. I DON'T CARE. So, since these other topics seem to be of dire need of my opinion,
lets discuss them, lol.

In a perfect world, we wouldn't have the need for such things as Border Patrol, INS, and Homeland Security. But....we don't live in a perfect world, we live in America.

I will admit before 9/11 I could care less who came and went within our borders.
My favorite movie quote was from Clueless: IT DOES NOT SAY RSVP ON THE STATUE OF LIBERTY!~ (yes I quoted Clueless,don't judge me!)
I fully believe that anyone who is truly searching for a better life, should be free to find it. I don't care where you come from, what you look like, and what your religion, you should be welcome to achieve that dream, and we should be free to welcome you to that life.
Now the problem here, isn't good people who want a good life. But people who want to cheat the system.

So when I run for President, my border patrol platform will be this:
You have 90 days to declare yourself. All CURRENTLY within the borders, will have Amnesty, up until that point. If you have not declared yourself, within that timeline, it will be assumed you have a reason for not wanting to be recognized as a US Citizen. One would have total freedom, be here legally, and take advantage of all we have to offer, unless something darker is on their agenda?

Now what about after 90 days, and the illegals coming in the borders?
Now I know all illegals do NOT come from Mexico, for one to assume this is prejudicial and morally wrong. However, since the vast majority do come from Mexico/Central America, I will use this as a reference.

The US spends billions of dollars each year attempting to secure the borders, deportation and other random immigration related charges. Border patrol agents are currently supposed to cover a 1969 mile stretch. Now, the border between Mexico and its neigboring countries Belize and Guatemala are a mere estimated 674 miles.
How much easier would it be to patrol almost 1300 LESS miles?
Yes I know I sound crazy, but hear me out...

If we took the money we spend annually and put it towards the purchase of Mexico, we could be out of the red in no time. Now I'm not saying we make Mexico a state, just merely a US Territory. We could then profit on tourism, the massive import/export opportunities and in this one location, I would advise legalization of drugs.
Mexico has a HUGE drug situation. The legalization of drugs would not only shut down the cartels, but make a huge profit for the country itself.
Don't get me wrong, in most instances I AM COMPLETELY AGAINST DRUG USE! However,I do believe in this area the best option would be legalization.

Now I know there will be a lot of people who read this and think, I've lost my marbles, but I'm ok with that. They may be right.
Like I said, my opinion doesn't matter anymore than anyone else.

However, I think I would make an awesome president. Not only for Border Patrol, but Naked Fridays are sure to be a hit.

So when you hit the voting booths, think Army Wife! (Be careful of the Marine's though, those women are crazy! Just kidding, seriously put down the weapon Um...Semper Fi?)

I Don't....

When people hear you are an Army Wife, the first question is usually, "oh, is he here with you?" When you say no, he's deployed, the conversation can go a couple of different ways. Occasionally you get the hateful remarks with reference to "fighting another mans war" and those are disheartening, but I don't typically take them personally. But, for the most part, the response is something to the effect of
"oh wow, how are you, are you ok, and how do you do it?"

The response, to these questions are pretty well canned responses at this point.
I'm good, it's rough, and it's not easy". Although I am grateful for their concern, regardless of how I sound, there are just not many answers you can give to these questions.

The most interesting statement, I've heard is how do you stay so strong? While again, I do welcome a compliment of this nature, there is still only one response....

I Don't.

People look at me and think I am harsh, rigid and sometimes downright hard. Maybe I am. I appear strong, because I don't have a choice. Now I'm not saying I can't hold my own, but I have my moments just like everybody else. I'm not an emotional person, but I do have emotions. I prefer, movies with lots of explosions, action, and excitement, but even I like the occasional love scene.

I'm not as "strong" as some would like to believe. In all honesty, I think I hit the wrong side of crazy a long time ago. But, I do the only thing I can, I tell the voices to shut up or I'll stab them with a Q-Tip. (seriously, just kidding...I don't condone violence)

So the better question to ask Army wives, is simply.....do you have enough Ammo? When is your follow up appt? and Do you know what day it is???

If she says yes, gives you a date, and tells you the right day (with in 2-3 days of accuracy) then its safe to proceed with the conversation.

If she says No, I don't have one, and its the day I pistol whip your ass with my unloaded handgun, there's a good chance you should discontinue this conversation, and possibly relocate.

I WANNA BLOW STUFF UP!

After a lot of thought and careful consideration regarding my career path, I've decided a change may be in order.

Here I am with a constantly deployed husband, 3 small children and a relatively useless degree in Legal Studies. Now a sane person, would think, the next step is Law School, right? Luckily for all of us, I'm not that sane.

I WANNA BLOW STUFF UP!

Now I'm not saying that in a Terroristic Fashion. Burkas will make me look too hippy and there's the whole exploding head thing, so suicide bombing just isn't for me.

I could of course, join the military, but when they yelled at me at 5 am, and I(accidentally) "busted a cap in their ass", I'm thinking that may not have the best outcome one would hope for either. Besides, since I had a degree, I would attempt to go in as an officer, which would be bad for several reasons. The biggest....I already outrank my husband at home, is it fair for me to pull rank at work?? (hi honey)

I could, look into Construction work, obviously. I've always had a dream of sitting on a platform yelling sexually explicit profanity at strange men walking by, not to mention the awesome tan. Ohhhh, and the bulldozers! But, that looks like it may be physically exhausting, and it gets hot outside. I'm obviously a very delicate female (stop laughing!) and I just don't know if its for me.

So....what can I do with my life. I like to sleep in, temperature must stay between 70-80 degrees with a low humidity. I don't like "uniforms" that make me look hippy, I have a useless legal degree, and I wanna blow stuff up.

Maybe I could do freelance work.