Your Exits Are Here, Here, Here and Here

We went of vacation a few weeks ago, and I was thinking how much easier it would have been to fly instead of that 15 hour drive with 3 small children. But then a sense of panic started to set in.

The last time I flew, was 3 days before the 9/11 attack. I haven't been on a plane since. Not "necessarily" due to fright, but I haven't really had anywhere to go.

Now the logical part of me, says "screw it". I know that logically speaking, I cannot and will not be bullied or frightened from the most normal of tasks. I know the odds of a terrorist hijacking the exact plane I am on are probably less than being attacked by a rabid octopus, but none the less.

Being an Army wife I've always been told, don't take your military ID on the plane with you. The terrorist will search you and kill you first!!! Don't let them know you are military, its leverage! Hmm...well there are a few problems with this train of thought. Although, it does make a bit of sense, (if you think the terrorist would let you live anyway), but if they are gonna fly you into a building, I'm willing to bet they don't have good intentions. Not to mention, what kind of leverage do people think Army wives possess? You can't kill me, who will bring the macaroni salad to the next FRG function?

So the next time I fly, in the event of a hijacking, I only hope they let the flight attendants do their inflight announcements first. Welcome to X airlines, your exits are here, here, here and here. In the event of a building landing, please put you head between your knees and kiss your ass goodbye. If a turbulent hijacking is to occur, you will notice the deployment of oxygen masks above you head. Please place you oxygen mask on yourself before you attempt to help those being terrorized around you. Please turn off all cellphones, for if we are hijacked we don't want to hear your ringtone of Baby Got Back to be the last thing we hear.

My personal plan in the event of a hijacking, is to stand up, blame the American Infidel Pigs and ask for someone to point me towards Mecca. But I'm just not sure they'd buy it. With my military ID, the cross on my neck, and my panicked yell for Jesus. But I guess thats another issue entirely.

I know that one day, I will have no choice but to face my fears and board the plane. But until that day arises, I think I will wait for the new Sony Teleporter. Granted I may reach my destination with someone elses arms, but I won't have to suffer the inflight meal.

(I wonder how many people just googled Sony Teleporter?lol)