Army Wife Boot Camp "refresher" course

I've previously stated that a lot of problems surrounding Army wives could be avoided by a simple Army Wife Boot Camp. I'm sticking by that statement.

However, it has come to my attention that refresher courses may be needed.
Now, my initial idea is something like the Army Reserves or National Guard.
One weekend a month and two weeks a year, we are "reminded" of what it means to be an Army wife.
The problem with this, is of course time consumption, many of us have children and really can't dedicate this amount of time.
My next idea is a simple TDY program. We are randomly picked yearly to go to various schools or temporary locations for further training. We could attend classes such as, how to co-exist amongst close quarters, Army Regulations, and the actual basics of your spouses job. It is amazing to see how many wives, still have no idea what their husbands job entails after 10 years.

Although the Army in general has its own set of rules, one will find that at each Military installation there are vast differences in the set of enforced rules. What is legal on this post maybe completely taboo on the next. I believe when moving to a new post, before you can live on that post a FAMILY briefing shall be held. Complete with all Army regulations involving housing and subdivisions.

Maybe a "field time" is warranted instead. All of the wives spend a few nights in the field, for training exercises. Just as their soldiers would. Maybe a few of those fun filled nights would make them appreciate the life they have, that their soldiers make possible. If people can't live peacefully among a quiet neighborhood, how can they make it in nature? The way a person lives within a community says a lot about the way they live their life.

Maybe if we had training on how to deal within our own environment life would be a bit more organized.

Ranking Segregation?

Back in the day, it was the norm for Commissioned Officers Spouses and Enlisted Spouses to avoid fraternization. It was looked upon as taboo to say the least for any spouse of the Non-Commissioned to co-exist with those in the ranks of the Commissioned.

I can remember in the beginning for me going to my first spouse social and people gasping for air as I spoke to the Colonel's wife. I remember being pulled aside by some of the enlisted wives and getting the "lecture". That was just something they couldn't believe I would do. Being new to the Army I thought, I had just made the largest sin ever made. I was horribly upset with myself. How could I have befriended someone so "above" me? She was a very pleasant woman, who would call and invite me to do random things, shopping excursions, dinner and such and I just remember making up various excuses. Not because I didn't like her in the least, but because I was scared. Not just for the "rumors" about fraternizing, but I had it in my head it would hurt her to be seen with me, the lowly enlisted wife.
It took me a while to get over that fear. Maybe it was age, time, or just my extroverted personality saying enough is enough, but eventually you come to terms with the fact they are just people.

All that wife wanted to do was be my friend, she got lonely like the rest of us. She needed to talk, vent, relax and let herself step down from the pedestal that others seem to insist she stand upon.

We as wives DO NOT WEAR A RANK. It is perfectly acceptable for wives of all backgrounds to depend upon each other. Especially in this time of war. For the most part, I will say we as wives have come a long way in this aspect. Some of my best friends have ranked from PFC wives to wives of Post Commanders. I will say we are all in the same boat. When I see a wife, I try really hard not to determine the rank of the soldier. I don't want that to become a factor in how we see each other.

With all of that said, it saddens me to see that this type of segregation still exists amongst the ranks of the military spouse. The best way I have heard it described is the "Green to Gold" issue. (now for soldiers this term means something completely different!) Amongst wives it is a way of saying the Enlisted (green) spouses will be treated as less by the Commissioned (gold).

Maybe its a persons perception as to if this is true or not. Like I said in my case, it was my own fears creating this issue. But I will say its not always the case.
I refuse to generalize about a group of women because of the rank their husband wears! However I will say even in this day and age there are women who insist upon wearing their husbands rank and I have seen them pull stunts that even the President wouldn't attempt.

So all that I am asking, is treat the wives you meet as people not rank. I've never been through boot camp, along with the majority of others. I don't deserve to be looked down upon for one rank, nor put on a pedestal for another. I'm not a soldier, if I wanted to be judged for the accessories on my uniform, I would have joined the Army.

The rank on a soldiers uniform, doesn't automatically grant the spouse entrance to the Pearly Gates, nor does it determine the level of hell you will achieve.

Army Wife Soundtrack

There have been so many songs dedicated to the American Soldier, particularly during the last 10 years. Its nothing to turn on the radio and hear a patriotic tune reminding us of the sacrifice a man or woman in the military will make. I will be the first to say, it is well deserved.

However, its rare that you hear a song detailing the plight of the military wife.
My favorite song is "They Also Serve" by John Conlee.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xn06ruxh2pA
Granted there are others but this one is the one that has always stood out for me.

Now I'm not saying that we deserve a full dedication of Military family based music, but I'm thinking a simple soundtrack would be nice.

For example, when I walk into a room instead of playing "Hail to the Chief", I'd like to hear the theme song to Apocalypse Now, or atleast the theme to Star Wars.
After the National Anthem, maybe a Meridith Brooks tribute.
When the FRG Meetings are to begin, I'd like a little Twisted Sister "We're not gonna take it".
For our massive amounts of post deployment births (and yes there will be plenty) I want to hear a little Springstein "Born In The USA".

But when the soldiers re-deploy and they will almost inevitably play "Proud to be an American", I would prefer to hear "The boys are back in town" followed by
Britney Spears "Toy Soldier".

Now one may take this as me being "anti-patriotic" in regards to my music choices. This is simply not the case. I fully believe the men and women that are willing to wear those uniforms so the rest of us don't have to, deserve every tribute they get and more. I'm just ready to shake things up a bit.

I am proud to be an American, but can't I be proud while doing the electric slide?

Flexibility

Being an Army wife means you have to be flexible in many, many ways. Depending upon your position within the Army your levels of flexibility must vary on any given occasion.

The biggest thing when dealing with Army wives is simply that you are dealing with wives. Now I'm not knocking Army wives, or women in general, just making a simple observation. Women can be the most deceitful, manipulative, back stabbing group of people. This is one area I will say we will always topple a man. At any given time a female, can look another female in the eyes and sing her praises then run to the next female and tell the world how horrible she is. Now knowing this about women, lets add in another factor....the military.

So now we not only have a clique of grown women who have nothing better to do than gossip and cause trouble, but we take their husbands away for long periods of time.
Say what you'd like about men, but atleast when they are home the women are less likely to run amuck. I don't know if its boredom, the need to see other women suffer, or the feeling like they are getting away with something, but its ridiculous.

Women like this are the reason we Army wives are stereotyped the way we are. Even though they may make up only a small amount, they manage to make the rest of us look bad. Like I've previously stated, I've been doing this for many years now so my flexibility is decreasing to say the least.

So I dedicate tonights blog to all those Army wives who stand their ground and don't fall into the stereotype we have cast upon us. To the wives who carry the torch of the stereotype, I will only say..... my flexibility is nearly gone so since I can't reach it would you please kiss my ass for me!

Comments?

Just a heads up people. I know you won't always agree with everything I say, just as I would not with you. Thats fine. As adults, and Army Wives I would hope we can all be mature enough to handle our differences in that manner. Its obvious that may not be true.

So I will tell you how your comments process work. You submit comments stating you agree, disagree or just want to make a random comment. You can use your user name or make the post anonymous. Simple right?
Apparently not.

Posting anonymous doesn't mean I don't know who you are, where you are located or the link in which you clicked to reach me. If you are sending me hateful or threatening comments, all I have to do is check time of your post. Then I go to my stats and it pops up not only the link your clicked but the country you are in, and your IP address.

Now the link you click tells me a lot. Most of my links are posted on my friends facebook pages, that is where I get 90% of my traffic. When you click on their link to leave me hateful messages it comes back to them. If we have mutual friends I doubt they appreciate you using their facebook page to harass me.

If you don't like what I have to say, easy fix....Don't read it! Please don't involve other people in your dislike of me. I'm here, if you feel like you need personally validated, don't send anonymous hateful posts!

False Sense Of Security

Living on an Army post it is easy to fall into a false sense of security.
People automatically believe, that because you must show an ID to get onto base that we are protected from the outside world. Anyone who has lived on an Army post for any length of time, knows this is simply not true.

I live on a "closed" post. All that really means is that if you do not have a military ID, you must get a pass. Then you can pretty much come and go as you please.
Well, I'm sorry to say, getting a pass doesn't mean you have an extensive background check, go through a metal detector or even pass a "are you planning on killing anyone" questionairre. All it means is you show your drivers license, registration and insurance, end of story.

Military posts have crimes like any civilian community. Sometimes its from post visitors, sometimes its from post residents, or even civilians who work on the post.
We have vendors who come on post multiple times a day, they don't have background checks. People who live on post (aside from soldiers) don't have background checks, people who come to see any post event again still don't have background checks.

At any time, you can be living next door to a sex offender, standing in line at the PX by the next Jeffery Dahmer, or talking to the stranger at the park looking for their next victim. We don't have the security people seem to believe we do.
Anywhere there are people, there is a possibility of violence.

So it amazes me, when you hear people say things like, "oh its ok we live on post", or send their small children out to play up and down the street unsupervised. Since I have lived on this post for exactly 1 year. In that time, there have been 3 attempted kidnappings that I am aware. Luckily, all of those 3 children were unharmed. However, the stories don't stop there. I've heard rumors of men, sneaking young girls off post for sexual escapades and sneaking them back on. People houses are repeatedly robbed in broad daylight. Barely a week ago, my neighbor and I called the police mid-day because of kids snooping around another neighbors home. This was only 1:30pm on a school day. The MP stated, he had already had 5 Breaking and Entering calls for the day. I could be wrong, but that number seems a little high for lunchtime.

Yes, we live on post and if it were a Utopian society we could let our children run around, leave our doors unlocked and show off our stereo sytems. But we don't.
I may be a little over protective or hyper vigilant. I won't even allow my children to typically go to the Ice Cream Truck. However, I would rather be a pain in the butt to my children and deny them over priced frozen treats, then have to make a plea to kidnappers to return my child. (no I'm not saying I think Ice Cream Truck drivers are bad people! I just think a middle aged man attracting chidren to his van with icecream seems a little odd)

Living on post, doesn't mean we are afforded the luxury of being unsafe.

What Would I Have Done Without You?

I've never been a "girlfriend" type of person. Don't get me wrong,I've had female friends over the years, but I never felt settled. I've always been the girl who felt more comfortable with the guys, in my old sweatshirt, doing guy things.
But joining Army life, you really have no choice at times but to re-evaluate who you are. Its hard to justify, being married with children and having only male friends.
People don't understand, so you try to please the masses. I will tell you its been a hard, hard road at times.

But I will say that after 15 years of military life, I've finally adjusted. Its taken lots of deployments, TDY's and field time, but maybe I've finally found people that I can relate. I've spent so much time alone, I never knew it could be any easier. I'd gotten used to being alone, depending on myself, griping only to GOD when absolutely necessary, that I had forgotten to see the others around me.
Its easy to see what you don't have, but sometimes you need to see what you do.

I can't tell you the number of women, that have been base to base with me that I've never really talked to until this deployment. One in particular, has followed us through 4 duty stations, and I never noticed. Another, that has become an extremely close friend, has been through the last 2 with me.

Its funny, my biggest fear was never really not having close friends, but not being able to be a close friend.
I've watched these women, lose loved ones, grieve for their husbands, and panic when the phone doesn't ring. I've listened to poured hearts, scared mothers and stress riddled wives. Even for me, this deployment has been rough. We've had scares and traumas that would normally push a woman to the brink, but I've made it. But it wasn't because I was stronger, better or harder than the others. It was because I had friends that listened. Other Army Wives.

I'll never forget, the day the husband of one of my close friends was injured. By injured, I mean nobody knew what lied ahead. There were hours of waiting with her by the phone. She looked at me and said, "I just don't know what I would have done without you". At the time, that statement just seemed odd to me. I hadn't done anything that I was aware. But I just said the typical, "its alright" response and went on.

Well this last few months, it finally dawned on me what she meant. Sometimes just having a person who feels your pain or who can just sit there and listen is the only thing you need. I've always been the "go to" girl when shit hits the fan. I've never felt like I had any one who understood when I needed someone.

Its taken me 15 years, but I finally feel like I am apart of something. I have women I can count on, and I don't have to be the never waivering wife this time. Maybe its ok to let your guard down once in a while.

So for the first time in my Army life, I can say "its not what you would have done without me, but what would I have done without you?"