Is This Where I Spit or Swallow?

I was truly saddened today when I realized I had missed the Wine and Beer tasting event sponsored by various Army Community business' here on post.
If I had only thought to by my tickets upfront, (one for me and 3 for my kids of course, lol just kidding really, hang up the phone!)
I could have swished Chablis and chugged Heinekin with the rest of the Army Community.

I heard they have a plethra of international beers for my liking and wines galore.
I wonder if they provide a beer funnel? Is the keg stand an additional charge?

I've always wanted to go to a fancy wine tasting, talk about the difference in white and red wines, which wine is "dry", and which goes with which Chicken or Fish? But the one thing I've never understood about wine tasting, the the swish and spit.

Maybe its just my lack of culture, my redneck upbringing or my frugal spending habits, but why spit? If you feel the need to spit the booze, you probably shouldn't buy a whole bottle. (I'm just saying)If it was any good, it would be gone.

As for the beers, they promised a variety of specialty beers. I've never understood this label either. Whats so special about it? Does one beer get you more hammered than the other beer? Does one come with a chauffer to get you home? Its all so confusing to me.

Its kind of a shame I missed it, I could have classed up the place. Once I understood the whole spit or swallow rule, and figured out how to tap the kep properly anyways. The flier said they had heavy hors 'douerves. I wonder if that means cocktail weinies or pigs in a blanket?

Volunteer-If you like it or not!

Living Army life, has a lot of "voluntary" demands. A lot of things on an Army installation are run by people who are willing to sacrifice their time and energy in an attempt to make life better for the rest of us.
THESE PEOPLE SHOULD BE COMMENDED!

Some of them get up everyday, work their long work days, deal with family crisis of their own, then put in a few more hours of unpaid, unrecognized labor. I fully believe every person living on an Army installation should do their part at some point in Army Life.

Now I'm not saying, we should walk around in candy striper uniforms and try to accommodate the biggest of assholes. But we should work together as a community.

The Army has a plethra of volunteer opportunities. From the Army Community Services to the Family Readiness Groups.
You can do everything from paperwork to dress as a clown at childrens functions.

A lot of the people you yell at on an Army Base are not paid employees. We sometimes forget this and take them for granted. Even I have at times had to remind myself of this fact.

Yes its true, we as Army wives have sacrificed enough for the Army. Its true, that Army life can leave us wanting, and its true that we aren't treated as the royalty we believe we should be. But its also true, that the little bit we do have has to be done by someone. If its not us, then who will it be?

Army life reminds me of the Little Red Hen. She asks for help planting seeds, cutting wheat and grinding it for use. Nobody wants to help. But as soon as she bakes the bread, everybody wants a slice.
You can't complain about your lot in life, if you aren't willing to help make it better. If you can't help your community, then why should your community help you?

PMS: Zoo Troop

Idea for new Reality show. PMS: Zoo Troop
PMS-Putting up with Military Shit.

What is Zoo Troop? Well Zoo Troop is made up of a handful of women, who don't "conform" to the traditional Army Wife Stereotypes.

How did Zoo Troop come about? An inadvertent joke was made on a facebook page late at night. Before you know it, we've got T Shirts, and we are each represented by a different zoo animal.

Roster:
Hotlips-This would be our fearless leader, represented by a Sexy Blue Tiger, of course.
Braveheart-The tattoo on the booty, lion. She's the one we look to when someone needs told off.
CandyBear-The purple dancing bear, never spotted without her "angry" teddybear. She's the newest of the troop.
Scrappy-The giraffe. She's the one who seems innocent enough but you just know once you piss her off, she's gonna run you down.
Sugar-The wise eagle. Named for her typically sweet demeanor, she watches as the rest of us make fools of ourselves.
and
Anna: this would be me. I'm represented by the pink grenade throwing gorilla.

So now that we have the background on Zoo Troop, here's my idea....

PMS: Zoo Troop. Its an actual reality show. We are recorded, as we do normal daily military activities. We deal with deployments, other wives, and soldiers.
Its a behind the scenes of Army life deal.

But, then again...any thing recorded could be used in a court of law. So maybe some editing is needed.

Don't Make Me Kick Your Rear D!

I've decided its time to make TV a reality. I'm not referring to a "Reality" show, just the opposite. Nothing on TV is real, it is of course, pumped up for ratings etc..Things on television always look so much better than reality.

You never see an military based show, that is even close to the truth. Since this is what the general public uses to make all decisions regarding Army life, I say its time we walk the walk.

Spouse Socials/Tea parties:
All tv shows regarding Army spouses will show these blessed events. Wives in their Sunday best pastel dresses. Sun hats and long gloves, toting a secret recipe casserole, or pie baked fresh from recipe handed down from great grandmother. They sit around at various small round tables and use the finest of manners. Never speaking out of turn.

Reality- Pizza, tequila shots and turn your head to burp at the table.
Try to make sure you aren't speaking to the spouse of the person you are speaking about, and all is well.

Military Balls/Formal Gala:
On television its a glorious, romantic event. The women are always so excited!!
Their children seen to disappear on these episodes. So this removes all childcare issues. Then the wives, spend the day at the salon. Hair fixed to perfection, nails done perfectly, they seem as if they've stepped off the cover of vogue.
Their soldier will come out of the den(perfectly) as the wife comes down the stairs. He stops in awe of his beautiful wife. Helping her down the last step, he fumbles with the corsage, always a perfect match to her brand new department store ball gown.

Reality- Its a used gown, the corsage (you had to pick up) will be pinned on to cover the big cheetos smear from your 2 yr olds byebye hug, after you spend 2 hours on the phone because your babysitter cancelled. Your soldier had to work late, so he runs in changes into his dress uniform, and doesn't notice if you are in a ball gown or sweat pants. Probably better, because then he doesn't see that when you were doing your own hair and manicure, one of your Lee Press On's got stuck in your hair.

Then of course, the FRG meeting:
Perfectly catered, every wife in the unit will arrive early to get the most pertinent upto date information regarding their soldiers. The FRG leader will ask for volunteers. Everyone there is so eager to help. Whether its the fall carnival or the bake sale, they are ready. The Rear D commander will stand up, and say something eloquent, like the "success of our men, depend upon the success of the family unit". He'll show maps, with a detailed plan and the wives will pay close attention and hang on his everyword. We'll get together and work on care packages for all the single soldiers.
ITS ALL FOR ONE AND ONE FOR ALL!

Reality- Approximately 4-5 wives per troop will attend. They will ask for volunteers, and people react like they were asked to drown a puppy.
Catering, will consist of a handful of wives, bringing in a couple bags of chips, 3 dozen cookies and a few 2 liters.
The Rear D commander, speaks and blank stares cover our faces. We've already decided if we are given a canned statement the best course of action is to drag him into the parking lot and kick his Rear D.
Although we probably shouldn't we have a tendency to resent the Rear Detachment. Not necessarily through their own fault, somebody has to stay back to run things. However, we see them and want to attack. Its the idea, that our husbands, sons, fathers are gone and they aren't. Whether, its jealousy, fear or just being pissed off in general, Rear D is gonna feel the wrath of the Army Wife.

So, since TV has such a pleasant insight to Army Life. I say we step up and make honest people out of them. I'm breaking out my sun hat, my casserole dish and my sparkling demeanor. Bring on the meetings, the ball gowns and the Sunday Tea parties.
Time to raise our pinkies, and toast to ARMY LIFE!

Pvt. Spongebob Reporting For Duty!

Being a more "seasoned" wife, I often find it amusing how intelligent newer wives can be during a deployment. I will occassionally go to a military discussion board, or group page and read some of the comments posted by random spouses, mothers, and girlfriends. You can almost always tell how much experience one has by their posted comments. Those of us who have done this a few times, will normally sit back and laugh at the random insanity, and pray silently that we were never this stupid.

I'm not saying, a wife should not ask questions. This is the way one learns. I am all for asking questions, and receiving information. You should definitely be involved, and feel free to put in your opinions when needed.

However...when a wife who has experienced a deployment, 3, 4 or even 5 times makes a statement. She probably knows what she is talking about. When someone is on their
1st deployment, they probably DON'T! Granted we all make mistakes, nobody is perfect. But, before you run your mouth you should think about the person to whom you are speaking.

I've seen wives/girlfriends who are brand new to the Army, think they will put a seasoned wife "in their place". I'm gonna tell ya now, you're screwed.
I don't care, how many episodes of the Unit or Army wives you've watched. You don't know what you are talking about.

We've not only seen the show, we are season ticket holders! Some of us have done this upto and beyond 20 years. We have had soldiers in wars that you are too young to remember (or even hear about). FYI:Spongebob, never really went to war!

Now I applaud, new wives who can hold their own. Its a hard life to adjust to, and it can be intimidating to say the least. Just remember, its easier to learn with your ears open and your mouth shut!

Those of us who have done this, are typically more than willing to help you with any aspect of Army life. However, if you feel the need to disrespect us, we can and will take you to school!

GET A JOB!

So,todays blog we're gonna touch up on a soldier's family members and the positions they maintain.

Wife=Priority
Children=Slightly Bigger Priority
Siblings you never speak to=low priority
Parents who are too lazy to work= even lower priority

Ok, now that we have the chart memorized lets continue. When a soldier is deployed, yes he will make a slightly larger paycheck. NOT a gigantically large paycheck, but a slight increase. Now, when a person hears you get "extra" pay, they have a tendency to believe, that means WOOHOOOO! It doesn't. It only means that for a few months we -MAY- be able to make ends meet. It means that, if you add up all of the hours that soldier is putting in, and all of the stress of being repeatedly shot at, we will finally bring in enough money, to pay our normal montly bills and maybe get that Happy Meal we've been craving.

So, if you are the Mother/Father of such soldier, it is pretty stupid, selfish, and downright disrespectful for you to call the wife of your son and ask for money because your welfare check doesn't cover the cost of Marlboro's. We sacrifice, scrimp and save to pay even the smallest of expenses. So your belief that your son, whom you don't speak to unless you need something, should send you some of that "extra" money because you are unwilling to get a job is misguided.
They have these neat little places now, called Employment Offices. If you go in there, they give you a job and you can buy your own crack, cheetos, bobblehead dolls or what ever it is you desire. The perk of taking this approach, YOUR SON DOESN'T HAVE TO BE SHOT TO RECEIVE SUCH BENEFITS.

Now, we've covered the parental obligations lets talk about siblings. If you don't speak to your brother on a regular basis, or you just pretty much act like he doesn't exist, you don't get credit for his military service! Its odd, how many siblings ignore their soldier brothers/sisters while stateside. But as soon as, they get deployed to a warzone, the main topic of your conversations are your Hero Soldier Brother/Sister. How you miss them soooo much, and you live in constant fear of their life. Every time someone brings up the war, its "oh what about me and my brother". GUESS WHAT CUPCAKE, THIS WAR HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU!
What in the world, makes you think you have a right to a pity party when your brother/sister is deployed? You didn't care about them when they were here, so why do you care about them now? If something were to happen to them, who do you think would be notified? Their wife or their nearly non-existent sister? Get over yourself!

I'm not saying, a soldiers family doesn't have the right to be concerned. Of course you do. However, waiting for him to deploy to care is a little off base.
You don't deserve his "extra" money, you don't get to take credit for his duty to country, and you sure as hell don't outrank his wife and children!

How often, a soldier is taken advantage of by their own parents is shocking. I have on multiple occassions received phone calls from parents requesting my help in getting a Power of Attorney for their son, without their knowledge. I have had calls requesting help in getting access to their sons bank accounts, and even a few questions regarding how to get an allotment for themselves. Even if I had any control over these issues, I WOULD NOT HELP YOU IN THIS AREA. That is between you and your son. If he will willing to get shot so you can afford that purple hawaiian housecoat you've had your eye on, so be it.

Just A Mom?

I've been thinking back to the beginning of the war for some reason. I remember sitting in an AFTB (Army Family Team Building) class and speaking to a woman in the class. Her husband was a retired NCO, and her son had decided to follow in dad's footsteps and join the Army. Her son had recently deployed to Iraq and she like any mother was concerned. But that concern was overshadowed by her son's new wife.

It seems before he had deployed he decided to make his relationship "official". Which is something a lot of soldiers will do before they deploy. The problem however, laid within the new wife.

When a soldier is deployed we expect the wife to be upset, scared and lonely. But what we sometimes forget, is that soldier has a mother. A woman who raised him, cared for him, and ensured his safety well after his 18th birthday.
Like any mother, her concern for her son was intense. She tried to become involved with his troop and unit. She just asked to be kept in the loop. So I was shocked, when I heard "you're just his mom".

Now I'm not saying that in general a man's wife should not be a priority in his life. But for a wife, to believe she has the entitlement to tell his mother "you are just his mom", is appalling to me. I watched as this seasoned Army wife, cried silently. The shock of that statement, and the pain that it caused was overwhelming.

The FRG was not of much help for the mother, unfortunately. No one would call her, keep her updated. She must call the Leader to pry any type of information. They insisted on backing up the idea that she "was just a mom".

Back when the war initially began, communication was nearly non-existent. Sometimes a soldier would only be able to make one 5 min phone call a month. So of course, he's going to use that call for his wife and children. Which brought maternal communication at a halt.

Its hard being an Army Wife of a deployed soldier. But I know I can handle the job.
However, to watch my son, deploy is a completely different subject.
God forbid, if something were to happen to my husband, I would be crushed. But I know I could one day recover. If that same thing were to happen to my son, there is no coming back. My children are my reason for living. So for someone to say, "you're just a mom" is unacceptable.

I only hope these wives who believe they are a replacement to the original woman in his life, will one day feel the pain of that statement.