Don't Make Me Kick Your Rear D!

I've decided its time to make TV a reality. I'm not referring to a "Reality" show, just the opposite. Nothing on TV is real, it is of course, pumped up for ratings etc..Things on television always look so much better than reality.

You never see an military based show, that is even close to the truth. Since this is what the general public uses to make all decisions regarding Army life, I say its time we walk the walk.

Spouse Socials/Tea parties:
All tv shows regarding Army spouses will show these blessed events. Wives in their Sunday best pastel dresses. Sun hats and long gloves, toting a secret recipe casserole, or pie baked fresh from recipe handed down from great grandmother. They sit around at various small round tables and use the finest of manners. Never speaking out of turn.

Reality- Pizza, tequila shots and turn your head to burp at the table.
Try to make sure you aren't speaking to the spouse of the person you are speaking about, and all is well.

Military Balls/Formal Gala:
On television its a glorious, romantic event. The women are always so excited!!
Their children seen to disappear on these episodes. So this removes all childcare issues. Then the wives, spend the day at the salon. Hair fixed to perfection, nails done perfectly, they seem as if they've stepped off the cover of vogue.
Their soldier will come out of the den(perfectly) as the wife comes down the stairs. He stops in awe of his beautiful wife. Helping her down the last step, he fumbles with the corsage, always a perfect match to her brand new department store ball gown.

Reality- Its a used gown, the corsage (you had to pick up) will be pinned on to cover the big cheetos smear from your 2 yr olds byebye hug, after you spend 2 hours on the phone because your babysitter cancelled. Your soldier had to work late, so he runs in changes into his dress uniform, and doesn't notice if you are in a ball gown or sweat pants. Probably better, because then he doesn't see that when you were doing your own hair and manicure, one of your Lee Press On's got stuck in your hair.

Then of course, the FRG meeting:
Perfectly catered, every wife in the unit will arrive early to get the most pertinent upto date information regarding their soldiers. The FRG leader will ask for volunteers. Everyone there is so eager to help. Whether its the fall carnival or the bake sale, they are ready. The Rear D commander will stand up, and say something eloquent, like the "success of our men, depend upon the success of the family unit". He'll show maps, with a detailed plan and the wives will pay close attention and hang on his everyword. We'll get together and work on care packages for all the single soldiers.
ITS ALL FOR ONE AND ONE FOR ALL!

Reality- Approximately 4-5 wives per troop will attend. They will ask for volunteers, and people react like they were asked to drown a puppy.
Catering, will consist of a handful of wives, bringing in a couple bags of chips, 3 dozen cookies and a few 2 liters.
The Rear D commander, speaks and blank stares cover our faces. We've already decided if we are given a canned statement the best course of action is to drag him into the parking lot and kick his Rear D.
Although we probably shouldn't we have a tendency to resent the Rear Detachment. Not necessarily through their own fault, somebody has to stay back to run things. However, we see them and want to attack. Its the idea, that our husbands, sons, fathers are gone and they aren't. Whether, its jealousy, fear or just being pissed off in general, Rear D is gonna feel the wrath of the Army Wife.

So, since TV has such a pleasant insight to Army Life. I say we step up and make honest people out of them. I'm breaking out my sun hat, my casserole dish and my sparkling demeanor. Bring on the meetings, the ball gowns and the Sunday Tea parties.
Time to raise our pinkies, and toast to ARMY LIFE!