Getting Old Takes Courage

I got my hair cut yesterday. We were talking about getting the childrens hair cut, and the stylist asked me, if I was interested in getting my GRANDCHILD'S hair cut. WTF? After I corrected her as nice as a I could. I even left out the phrase, "you stupid little twit" I got my hair finished and headed home.

For our Anniversary my husband decided to surprise me with a much needed spa day. He thoughtfully called and scheduled a package that included a semi-deep tissue massage, a facial, a manicure, a pedicure and even a lunch! It was amazing. I was so excited. This is where I realize how old I truly am.

The spa is serene, to say the least. I enter the dressing room and get changed into my robe and foam slippers. I occasionally forget how "blessed" I am in the upper torso, but not to worry I was quickly reminded when I sat down and the "girls" decided to make an appearance by popping out of the top of my robe. That was fun. I won't even mention the attempted booty breakout. But I get tucked all in and the girl seeing my frustration brings me a wrap to put under my robe, "Just in case" lol. I'm now known as a repeat offender apparently lmao. They bring me my lunch, which was probably one of the best salads I've ever had. Odd how I make the exact same salad at home and it just doesn't work out that way. But oh well, maybe its a sign I should limit my salad intake? ;) Probably not likely but I'll rationalize as much as I can.

So then I get taken back for my massage. I just knew this would be the highlight of my day! I love a good massage. The very pleasant young lady led me back to the room she left so I could get situated. I removed the robes, and climbed onto the nicely heated table. After 3 tries I actually made it! Which of course was AWESOME. So then the massage begins. Being a deep tissue massage I expect a little extra pressure, maybe even uncomfort.So I was prepared. For the most part the massage was wonderful. But there were a couple of spots where I swear she was s former Gitmo Guard or Abu Ghraib at least. At one point I think she was just trying to see if she pushed hard enough if I'd pee my pants. She was about right. Oh and I broke my foam slipper.But overall massage A++.

So I go back to the waiting room in my one remaining slipper to await my next treatment. The Manicure and Pedicure.I wasn't really sure about this one yet but it starts off good so I stick wit it. Finally get my nails filed, and painted delightfully. So we're off to the pedicure bath. This is where my real trouble started. My height can be a bit troublesome at times. So when I attempted to climb into the pedicure area, my robe was too long,I tripped and messed up newly painted nails.

Now the pedicure chairs are amazing. I'm sure anyone who's had a pedicure knows what I'm talking about. It looks like a thrown, with a pool of warm water being jetsprayed onto your feet. While your feet are soaking, your "thrown" has an automatic back massager. So for 45 more minutes I sat there and had my feet rubbed for my pedicure and my back rubbed to keep me relaxed. Unfortunately this part must come to an end as well. So in my attempt to climb down from my thrown my robe fell into the water. Awesome right? So far I've screwed up my nails and drowned a defenseless robe. Whats even better is my water soak walk down the hall of shame to the dressing room for a new robe. I'm not sure but I think I may have "inadvertently" taken someone else's robe. I'm sure they'll say something if they put theirs on and its wet, right??

So anyway, I go back to the waiting area to a wait my facial. After a short wait, I am called back, placed on another wonderfully heated bed. We go over any skin problems and possible issues before we begin. This is where I realize I am not brave enough to grow old. Growing old takes courage.
As she's getting out mirror after mirror to examine my pores and facial "issues", telling me all about how women my age (she was about 12!lol) have to really start watching their skin care regimine because my face will loose elasticity and sag, I thought just wait you haven't even seen my boobs yet! Keep your judgments locked away until you see the age damage I keep hidden!!! So we get the facial started. She has examined me thoroughly and said now its time for just a few extractions.
I though ...extractions? Has my facial turned into a full on military operation? What exactly was being "extracted"? I was laying there picturing this girl standing on the side of the bed with a giant pair of needlenose pliers ripping things off my face. I can assure you it was nothing like that. It was more like a small knitting needle being hooked and yanked off your chin. I was anxiously awaiting the Tennesse Army Nation Guard to break in and take over the mission at any time.

At last that portion is over and its time for the exfoliation, facial massage, creams and lotions. There was a sligly sented mist that would be occassionally sent over my face and torso. I smelt a hint of cocoa in my mist. Now I'm not sure if thats what was actually in it, or if I was just hungry. That was an extreme possibility. But none the less it was great. They told me I may have a few red spots for a day or so from the facial, I can live with that. I just wish I knew they meant I would look like I had measles. But on the upside nobody bothers you when they think you're diseased!! lol

So I go and get dressed, the nail tech tells me she is ready to fix my nails that I so eloquently destroyed as I was trying to drown myself in the footbath. That was nice. I make it to the front door keys and wallet in hand. Make it all the way to the car. Get in and whats the first thing I do...pick up my keys with the newly painted hand, squeeze them together and start the ignition. Rubbing everyone of my nails against each other, the steering wheel and even my seat belt. AWESOME

If this is the stuff I have to endure to grow old, then maybe I should just give up now. I am not brave enough to get old.

I did realize something major about myself however. Here I am in this wonderful setting being pampered for a day long treatment. What am I thinking of....Don't they have an express service? Can't they do all of this at the same time? I have to make dinner. I've been gone almost 3hours will my house be there when I get back. Maybe I should ask for a break just to check in. I hope they're wearing coats if they went' outside. I hope they had decent snacks, not just a bag of m&m's and a bottle of Mt. Dew.

Everytime they'd get a kink worked out another would pop up. I am a total lost cause. But I wouldn't have given up today for nothing. Maybe if I just keep practicing I can get it right. I may have to do this a couple times a month just for scientific reasons of course.