Things Your Returning Soldier Will NOT Find Funny!

Just a few handy tips to ensure you and your soldier have the most joyous of reunions. When the soldier re-deploys his sense of humor may be a little off, so just keep in mind there are a few "trivial" things your soldier may not see as much humor in as you do.

1. When he finally calms down and falls into a deep slumber. He will not find it funny when you jump on the bed and yell INCOMING!!!!

2. When you tell him that even though he hasn't had sex in a year, you think its best not to rush into anything because we are still getting to know each other. Then you blame Rear D.

3. When you do give in and have marital relations. He will not find it funny when you tell him you are 4 weeks pregnant. He's only been home for 2.

4. When Sunday rolls around and you are leaving for his Catholic church services, he will not find it funny, when you tell him you can't go because you have recently converted to Islam to feel closer to him while he was away.

5. Another church related Faux Paus, do not tell threaten to commit Jihad while yelling AAALLLLLLALAAAAAHHHHHHHH! and standing in the church parking lot.
(the same goes for asking the priest to point you towards Mecca)

6. Do not wrap towels around your children's head and tell him he is being attacked by the "Towel"iban while he is watching football.

7. Do NOT tell your children to find another soldier to introduce to yours as "the deployment daddy".

8. He will not find it funny to serve boiled goat for dinner the first night, because you wanted to ease him back into America.

9. He will have days where being home is hard for him. If he starts to breakdown, the proper response is not SERIOUSLY DUDE, WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU? I know this sounds like a to the point question, but he won't appreciate your directness as much as you think he should.

10. Telling him you've taken any extra saved money and gotten a boob job. Then telling him you really think you can earn it back by working nights at the local strip club. (and he gets to babysit)